I went to Liverpool in
November for Cloud’s 70th birthday celebrations. He threw a wonderful party and looked
resplendent in silver suit and pink suede brothel creepers! I had a lovely time staying down at the docks. I love Liverpool and hadn’t been since 1985,
when dockland was wasteland, and like all cities it has changed a good deal since
then. I was reminded what a great city
it is and inspired - I’m planning a return visit in warmer weather.
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| Bright skies and dark clouds over Birkenhead |
Afterwards I headed over
to Manchester for a visit with my friends.
Sara, who has always had an excellent natural aptitude for tarot, is now
studying very seriously and her gift is being well honed. She read for me, my question concerning my
‘80s activity, connections and re-connections, of which there is much right
now.
"You need to be
prepared for a very emotional time" she told me. It made no sense. I was absolutely ready to part with my
special clothes and have been really enjoying my recent re-connections with old
friends. I couldn't see anything to be
of great emotional upset. Sara's reading also warned
of small-minded people who like to see me down, and who will not want to see things
working out well for me. Hhhhmmmmm....
Two weeks ago I met with
Charlie Porter who had been put in touch with me by Gregor Muir, the director
of the ICA, following their recent exhibition ‘Trojan - Works on Paper’. Trojan and I were very close 30 years ago and
Charlie wanted to talk more about this.
He was also interested in the pieces I was selling at auction.
We had a lovely afternoon
and chatted for two hours. Or rather, I
did. I really can talk for England once
you get me started! Charlie posted our
conversation in two parts. You can read
Part I by clicking here, and Part II by clicking here.
Reading Part II had me in floods
of tears and sent me into a very emotional state. I wasn't expecting it but it happened. So many dear ones gone too young and too soon,
so many memories. Deeply emotional, just
like Sara had read.
Another week passed and
last Tuesday I sold my special clothes at Kerry Taylor Auctions. I had popped in to the viewing the day
before, to photograph my things, touch them, smell them and look at them for
the last time. I put my amazing
Christopher Nemeth/Judy Blame coat on, wrapping myself in the rich brown velvet
as I've done countless times before. I
felt my body shape imprinted into it, my DNA almost. Oh, how I loved that coat! Then I felt its weight, the weight of adornment
- lord-knows-how-many metal buttons, coiled rope, hessian and heavy tassels -
and I reminded myself that it weighed a ton and that I would never wear that
glorious coat again, and more than all of this, that such was its gloriousness that
it needed to be in a better home than hanging on my coat rail, unworn and
unseen. I unbuttoned the shirt of my little
black and white cotton pyjama suit. I
wanted a final look at Leigh's handwritten label, and I remembered being given
the suit, wrapped in white tissue paper, and Leigh’s excitement at having put
labels in it. Proper clothes made
by proper designers had labels, but we were young and had no money for such
luxuries so he made his own, using a permanent marker on cotton tape. Delightful.
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| My emotions are obvious as I say goodbye to my gorgeous coat.... |
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| ....which is so comforting and familiar |
Oh my goodness! Again my emotions took hold and twice sent me
off to the bathroom for fear of a public sobbing outburst, made all the more
shocking to me simply because I wasn't expecting it. It had nothing to do with parting with my clothes. It had taken me 12-15 years to get to this
point and I was absolutely ready. It was
all about the memories.
The following day found me
a little jumpy and anxious. Emotions
again. Logically it made no sense, but
emotions often don't. My gorgeous and
glamorous friend Roy accompanied me to the sale, both of us auction virgins. How exciting!
I appreciated his calm nature and understanding attitude. My lots came up ......... and flew! I won't bore you with the details, although if you want to you can, for the time being at least, read the results by clicking here, but I
will reveal that that red dress went
for £6000! I did shed a little tear as the
gavel went down on my pyjama suit, my final but joyful goodbye. Afterwards I was happy but emotionally exhausted. I'd been holding Roy’s hand as my lots were
going... going... gone and he told me that my vice-like grip was akin to somebody
giving birth (although I'm not sure that he's ever been present at a childbirth
so I guess he is imagining that experience....?!!).
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| Checking the lots with Roy |
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| Me, Roy and a final farewell to my pyjama suit |
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| Afterwards with amazing Kerry and her amazing gavel |
Over the next few days there was the
response from friends and family to deal with.
Fortunately everybody has been wonderfully supportive and pleased for me,
except for one person, the least likely person, whose arrogant shrieking abuse down the telephone at me, coming from
nowhere but, judging by its furious delivery, probably bottled up for years (maybe even as far
back as the 1980s...??), was devastating.
After two nights of barely sleeping I realised that I had to let it
go. We cannot control what other people
think about us. This person's long-held jealousy finally erupted and they have chosen to
end the relationship. I let myself grieve the
loss and am done with it.
For my clothes, parting has not been sweet sorrow at all, but instead immense joy. On a practical level I have immediately freed up storage space in my shoebox of a flat, and the proceeds from auction will enable me to pay some bills and get a few things sorted out. By next spring my 50th birthday present to myself will be a long-awaited and much-needed sparkling new kitchen. This in itself will improve my life immeasurably!
On an emotional level these special, personal and sometimes iconic outfits are now in the care of serious collectors and museums, where they will be treasured, appreciated and shared, helping to illustrate and document an important time in social and fashion history, rightfully honouring their creators. And this is a wonderful but huge thing to get my head around.
Little wonder then that it's
been so unexpectedly emotional over the last few weeks. I imagine it will take a wee while for me to assimilate
all of this activity and rebalance myself accordingly. But it's a happy end to a difficult year. Roll on 2013. And never underestimate a good tarot reader.
Love New Beginnings
Love Life
XXX